THE CARNAGE IS REAL.
Alanna Okun / Via Thinkstock
1. I'm feeling a little prickly today! Guess it's time to break out the old Venus Deluxe Divine Mango Goddess 4.0.
2. Shoot, I'm down to my last cartridge.
3. It's a little dull and there are a couple errant hairs stuck in the blades, but desperate times, desperate measures.
4. Besides, if I buy new razor blades this month I'll have to give up something equally expensive.
5. Like food.
6. I get that there are other injustices in the world but WHY have we not addressed the egregious cost of buying those shitty little plastic things? Do dudes have to pay that much? Would I save more by waxing, or Nair-ing, or getting super-high-tech laser hair removal, like added up over time? THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY THAN THIS.
7. Whatever, I have to leave in half an hour.
8. Into the shower I go.
Alanna Okun / Via Thinkstock
9. OK, whoever designed this bathroom has obviously never shaved a leg nor probably seen a human body.
10. Maybe if I prop my leg here…
11. And kind of rotate my body 45 degrees…
12. Ow ow omg no ow.
13. Wait, I'm home alone right now. What if I slip and fall and get paralyzed and drown and nobody finds my body until I'm a decomposing mess?
14. A DECOMPOSING MESS WITH HAIRY LEGS.
15. Is this really worth it? Dying alone and damp, all for the sake of some patriarchally imposed smooth patches of skin?
16. Ugh, but it just feels so damn GOOD.
17. This'll work if I just kind of get into that weird yoga pose I always fake my way through during class and like, don't breathe.
18. According to ~every magazine~, at this point I'm supposed to exfoliate.
19. Whatever that means.
20. Mmmm, hurts so good.
21. I won't rest until I've stripped away a full layer of skin.
22. Like a fancy rich lady in a mountain-top spa.
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